I was having a conversation with someone who I love dearly yesterday.  They were encouraging me to move on because people have gotten  comfortable with disrespecting me.  Thus, I have reached a point where I am reevaluating all that I do.  Because if someone miles away is hearing all I am going through trying to survive day-to-day and hearing I am being disrespected it is time for change.  


My mother constantly reminds me "blacks catch hell" and there are a lot of obstacles in the way.  I have tried to fight the good fight.  But in some arenas fighting the good fight leaves you broke, busted, and disgusted.  


Some things I have spent the bulk of my life preparing for.  I am ready, willing, and able to perform and know I am more than capable because it is something I have done over a 100 times.   In any type of business having a niche is important.  My niche has always been to focus on the technology side of things.  In years past it has worked wonderfully for me.  Now it seems it is working better for others.  I spent a lot of time and money trying to improve upon what I do and the losses have become massive.  I want to be able to enjoy the fruits of my labor, experiences, and connections.


When I was talking with my mother she said "blacks people catch hell."  The sad part is most of the time it is because of other blacks.  I don't believe in exclusionary practices and I abhor others that do.  I recall months when in sales that I was the only one with sales or bonuses for the entire month depending upon what capacity of sales I was working in.  When it comes to customer service, I am all about customer service.  I believe in treating people with the utmost respect.  I am not trying to sell anyone on my reputation, my children, my lifestyle, I am just doing what I need to do to make things happen during the transaction.  I dot the i's and cross the t's.  I am a very kind person.  I love my family in spite of the rough patches we go through.  I do love and adore my children and my grandchildren. 


I love technology.  However, it seems technology has its drawbacks too.  Too many people have access to the back end of everything we do online.  And sometimes those back end web and office administrators are unscrupulous.  They can watch, monitor, and redirect everything you do.  The downside is some of them with access to the back end are also competing with you for clients and redirecting clients to others for a profit.


I will never forget one sales office I worked in the only people who got any business were the friends of the receptionist.  No one else ever got a lead.  The most success in a sales environment I have ever enjoyed was when the sales people got to rotate the seats up front.  I worked in one office were the receptionist was giving all the leads to competition across the street.  They would come in like they were passing out flyers and she would hand them off a list of leads that the sales people in the office should have gotten.


I'm tired.  Even dogs get tired.  It is not that I don't want to do but it is because there are still just so many obstacles in my way and I am frustrated with fighting the good fight to have nothing.  I just feel I need to step back from the main stream of a lot of things and reflect on how things really are down stream for me.  I have to be able to put food on my table, have clothes on my back, have gas in my car, get my bills paid, and my goal has always been not only to survive but to thrive.  In recent months I have been living like a primitive  I have gone numerous months without even having the basics.  It is just totally unacceptable and as I have taken a step back to reflect rather than constantly grinding to no avail I am seeing more of what is happening and it is not good.  And sometimes I feel it is very necessary to snatch a piece of peace.


I realized too late the people who I have been supportive of and helped the most have been the main people who have been putting negative stuff out about me because they are living a lie.  They use me to get leads to lure other people into their snare.  I had someone else close to me let me know the guy is actually gay and even his gay companion was the one who got them fired from a job.  So this dudes use and abuse of women is based on a deep rooted evil  He doesn't even like women.  


I liken it to when I was married and my ex never believed in God.  I couldn't conceptualize that someone could actually not have any faith.  But time will learn you that there are some seriously wicked people in this world who their only goal is to eat anybody else's cookies.  


Over the past few weeks I have spent time with my mother who has been very ill for years.   I first learned adversity from my mother as a child.  We had a very rough relationship when I was growing up.  I learned at a early age to the best I could do on my own.  I didn't know to wallow in self-pity.  I look back at how I came over.  How I picked up manuals from the guidance office to map my path towards getting an academic diploma.  How I didn't realize how important a GPA was until I got to college, then I did better.  Some things I learned by stumbling and falling.  During my early years I never looked at it as a fall I didn't ponder on the things that happened I just kept moving forward. 


Financially, my mother was an excellent provider.  I never wanted for anything.  She always provided for my children as well.  The oldest two she ruined.  My baby girl wouldn't let her ruin her.


Often times we talk and I tell her of the trials and tribulations I have experienced.  It is nothing new to her.  When someone calls me they don't get me.  when someone reaches out to me in person they are paired off with someone else.  


I am beginning to believe my most secure Inbox is on Twitter.  Everywhere else seems to be open to a hack.  


I am fasting and praying things change.   I am in business to make money.  It costs me the same as everyone else to be in business and when I am not making any money and having to incur the same fees and expenses it is just not right.  I can't keep supporting wrongdoing especially not directed at me in the form of mass disrespect.  


This site wasn't working for me.  I have not generated any business from it in years.  Thus I have decided to use it as a personal space.  


I am 54, live in Norfolk, Virginia and my email is Lynne@LynneRuffin.com if you want to write me.  Don't forget the "e" in Lynne both times.  My personal mobile number is (757) 434-7490.  The best place to send me a message is on Twitter my handle is @lynneruffin and I will reply.

LYNNE RUFFIN

I Need to Stand for Something!